(Outfit of the Day: I love my green Vineyard Vines Polo Dress, it's as comfy as sweats.
I paired it with a Lacoste headband, and Coastal Skimmers from L.L.Bean)
Have you ever seen a stink bug? They practically invaded Pittsburgh. Recently I moved into a new house, and we have this little issue with stink bugs finding some way inside the house. Yuck. So last night I was reading, and glanced up just to see a stinker scurrying up my wall. I had a minor freak-out, and calmed myself down enough to grab a wad of toilet paper, gently pluck the insect from the wall, and drown it in a swirling fury down the toilet. Kalyn 8, Stink Bugs 0. My count was up to eight in a 24 hour span. Disgusting.
Did you know that if you smash a stink bug, that they give off an odor that attracts more of the gross little things? SEE BUG. FREAK OUT. SMASH BUG. It's practically human nature for us to attack at first glance when seeing a bug, yet if we do that with a stink bug, we are fighting an uphill battle. You must wait for the right moment to snatch it up, and dispose of it somewhere far far away, or do the barbaric thing a flush that sucker out of your house.
I am the weirdest. After this post, I am convinced I am...but how many times do our impulses attract more hard decisions in our life? Impatient and stubborn are two words that I will honestly call myself. I admit they are flaws of mine. I have always been one who wants what she wants the second she wants it, regardless of whether it is the right thing in the long run or not. How many times has that hurt me in my life? Just like the instant thought to squish a stink bug leads to a much bigger problem?
Sometimes, we just need to let go of situations, and know that not everything is in our hands. There is not a single time that you will be in complete control of your life. Sure, you can do all the right things to prepare yourself in a way that avoids trauma, but in the end nothing ever works out the way we planned it.
I have always been one to try to take rein of my life. Every time I try, I am taught to be patient. It feels really good to say that for the first time in my life, I am fine with letting things happen the way they are meant to be. Sure, I give everything my very best, but I know that I can't keep smushing the stink bugs in my life...because they will come back to bite me eventually.
I am currently in the taper stage for my marathon. I am anxious for it to be over so I can start fully training for Triathlons again...yet I know I can't over train. How did I learn that? A past full of shoulder, shin, knee, and ankle injuries. I now listen to what my body is telling me, and I know the difference between a good hurt and a "I just fractured my foot" kind of hurt. Sometimes that means not doing everything I wanted to (which is very hard for me to do), but I know that listening to my body will pay off in the end when I didn't over train and hurt something.
The same goes for careers and relationships. I kept forcing my last relationship to work, when it clearly wasn't meant to be for quite some time. I was up late at night in tears waiting to hear from him, exhausted, and mentally and emotionally drained in class. Why did I stick with something that was making me so unhappy for so long? I was stubborn. I kept trying to dispose of the stink in our relationship in all the wrong ways.
Now I am so happy. I am finally doing things I only dreamed of doing. I have an amazing support network to fall back on if I need them...and I can honestly say that I am just Kalyn. Just me. A little girly who loves pink and green, writing, running her feet off, swimming like a fishy, teaching fitness classes, and appreciating the world around me.
I recently wrote that when you are happy being by yourself, someone who appreciates you for who you are will find you. Well guess what? Mr. Makes Me Red in the Face and I are still talking. We are taking it super slow, and I like it that way. Yet, he supports me for the freak I am. He respects the fact I wake up at ungodly hours to hit the pool or go on a long run. He wants to be there for me at all my races. My ADHD stories that are overly enthusiastic and detailed make him laugh...and it is great to have someone who does appreciate the weird Kalyn. I don't know where the future is for us, but I am fine not knowing. Who knows if we will ever end up in a serious relationship...but never have I spent time with someone who is so grounded in who he is, and so driven to do his best...not to mention someone who is caring enough to listen to me ramble about my distance run and what each mile felt like and the philosophical meaning behind stink bugs.
I laughed last night as I was leaving his house. He is a financial advisor, which means suits and ties and brief cases. I am a personal trainer which means running shoes, kettle bells, and sports bags. As I was leaving, I picked up my lifting shoes (I never wear my running shoes except to run...an OCD thing of mine) next to his dress shoes, my mesh swim bag up that had been covering his brief case, and thought "oh the irony". He sees me in sweats every single day, and still likes me. Now that is saying something.
The point is, we both have our own paths in life. Striving for the best is something that is important, and the focus and balance between work, athletics, and relationships is evident in both of our lives. I appreciate him for the person he is (even if he does prefer gory movies and giggle like no other man I know) and he appreciates me.
For the first time, I feel no pressure to impress a significant other...if I even will call him that one day. Who knows, I am taking it day by day...but, I will say this:
I noticed this gent when I first started working at the gym. I can talk to anyone about practically anything, but whenever he would come in, I found him so attractive, I couldn't even make eye contact with him. I did think it was a hopeless cause until he asked me on a date a few months ago...but the funny thing is, he thought the same about me. We both had little teenage crushes on each other and were too nervous to talk to one another. Not only that, but I was dealing with another relationship that was already a squashed stink bug on the wall. If that stink bug hadn't finally gotten flushed down the toilet, I might still be a mess...and would have missed out on the opportunity to get to know someone who I have the utmost respect for (and find incredibly sexy).
So my advice to you? Stop squashing the stink bugs with impulses, and have the patience to wait for the right moment to gently remove them from your life. Impatience gets you no where in life. Take the time to grow up, and figure out who you are before needing someone else in your life...appreciate being single, and strive to be the best person you can be. Someone will find that drive irresistible, and will love the weirdness in you. You have to just let yourself be weird first.
Stink Bug number nine comes creeping by the window. Mr. Makes me Red in the Face volunteers and flushes that sucker down for me. What a gentleman.